Scrabit : Raw : A Psalm of Sorts

Posted on by lainamunoz

Today’s #ThinkBackThursday is brought to you by the year 2010 and the color red

He’s faithful to my heart.

Glory to the righteous one.

G-d, I’m not sure how to get everything or anything in words.

I hurt and you heal… That’s just how it’s always been. Lord, You’ve always been there for me even after all the selfish mistakes I’ve made. You are a forgiving G-d. I don’t know why life take turns and makes you go down paths that you have never even come across. I don’t know why I feel this need inside me to make sure someone is there with me holding my hand. It doesn’t make sense if I knew that I’d have to trust you through this one. Then why is it hard? Why do I constantly have to fight the pain of it all?

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves.” – James 1.2-6

((Are you kidding me G-d?       ………a gift?

So what then? It’s time to live out our faith. G-d knows what He is doing even when we are in the middle of a storm. The only thing I can gather from this portion of my love letter is to stick it out. G-d, sometimes I don’t want to, so I guess I’ll have to choose again today to trust You with it.

Dear Father, I don’t know what I’m doing, help my heart to calm down and not worry about my life. I don’t want to be flaky but I want to be taught by the master how to be faithful.

“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. 34“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

– Matthew 6.33-34

Command: Don’t worry about missing out.

Promise: You’ll find ALL your everyday human concerts will be met.

Lord, help me trust YOUR timing… and help my heart to understand when my brain is the only thing that knows what is right.

Don’t Bore Us Get To The Chorus

Posted on by lainamunoz

Sometimes story time is hard.

Sometimes there is too much going on to focus on just one thing, or lesson or instance that has happened in the last week. I will say that more and more everyday I’m finding that I’m getting involved in things that if G-d doesn’t turn up for then I am screwed. I’m doing more than I expected and all the opportunities I’m graced with being apart of are nothing short of Jesus handing them to me on a silver platter. I don’t deserve the blessings but He keeps pouring them out, and I’m so thankful that He is.

This last week has been focused on creating space and seeking clarity. I just began praying for G-d to show up and I think halfway in my mind I was expecting some great moment where He sat me down and spoke massive and deep revelations that I have never thought about. But that didn’t happen. Instead I had a lot of quiet moments of peace and realizing that:

1) I was alive

2) Worship was sweet

3) If there is no ‘A’ or ‘B’ to choose from then the path is the path (thanks dad)

I feel odd saying I was given peace about being alive but I can’t actually think of a better way to explain it. I was just existing and breathing and drinking tea and sitting in class and cleaning my room and writing – and I was ok. I was responding to Facebook messages from people back home updating me about their lives and some who haven’t quite made it back home traveling around and being awkwardly reassured that my person on this earth is both insignificant and absolutely necessary for this time right now.

Tuesday and Wednesday mornings are becoming some of my favorite times each week. My housemate and I just go to the coffee shop and read and write and chat and allow each other to encourage one another and speak into each others lives… which, if you don’t do that with SOMEONE I would highly recommend it. One of the wonderful parts about having someone to speak into your life is that you have less of a chance to forget who you are. When someone is looking at you telling you from an outside perspective that you HAVE grown and that you ARE gifted and anointed and that they see your faithfulness you feel refreshed and not trapped in your own thoughts. As well as you get to have another person that you encourage and uplift and get to do that for as well.

            So have friends. And be alive.

Worship was sweeter. I’ve grown up in church and have heard several hundreds of song of Jesus’ presence being all we need or His presence being sweet and I do recall time and time again the truth of those statements – but something about this week… and focusing on it just makes it so much better. It wasn’t this over-emotional journey of being with Jesus it was just an overwhelming snuggle-session with the Savior. It was like all the sudden I was comfortable in His presence; not that I wasn’t before but this week has been more inviting.

Finally, the parent conversation…

I text a few of my close friends and my parents asking them to pray for me as I was seeking clarity this week to which my dad asks, “What choices or decisions are you needing to make?” ((well, really… I didn’t)) “Because if there is nothing that needs deciding, the path is the path” ((ugh, dang… thanks for confirming what I was thinking and unsure of for three days))

“I don’t want to simplify it, but if you have a choice of ‘A’ or ‘B’ then you “need” to hear, but if you’re moving forward and there is not a choice… Focus on the now and learn all you can, EXPERIENCE all you can. Live all you can. I wish and pray for you… (remember how I got here) if you are going to fail, fail quickly… fail as often as you need to. Pick up, brush off and carry on.”

So, I have said in previous posts but if you are just joining from this point or only joining at this point I’ll let you know its been a relatively quiet season for me as far as what I FEEL but the only snippet from Jesus I seem to be getting is “carry on with your last set of instructions” which will be different for each one of us but for me its to get quiet, get on my knees and be with HIM. Learn to be still and know that He is G-d. Do what I love. REST. TRUST. BE.

So to take a week of focus and hear nothing but, “hey, why are you seeking for an answer on a question that hasn’t been asked?” really put into perspective my season. If my only option is to continue then what am I worrying about?

Did I wake up today? (y/n)
Did I spend time with Jesus? (y/n)
Did I invest in someone today? (y/n)
Are all of my assessments in on time? (y/y)

Sometimes you just have to (still) move forward. 

Dead Man, Wake

Posted on by lainamunoz

I wrote this sometime around 18 years old – The majority of it is scripture and what the Word was speaking to me at the time. I hope you enjoy the read!

You know those portions of scripture that stand out and slap you in the face SEVERAL times before they finally decide to sit down?

G-d word – His scripture is:

“G-d-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correction and training in righteousness,

(O.K. children, lets finish the sentence)

so that the man of G-d may be thoroughly equipped for every GOOD WORK.”

(2 Timothy 3.16-17) Don’t you dare take that out of context.
Now that we have that down…

(I’ll just go ahead and say this, if you’re not willing to SEARCH the scriptures and read it with an open mind to G-d… don’t even bother to continue to read. I’d be insulted for my G-d’s sake if you kept reading.)

John 11.1-44
“The Death of Lazarus
1Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.

(WHOLE DIFFERENT SCRABIT I COULD GET ON)

3So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”
4When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” 5Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.
7Then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”
8“But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews tried to stone you, and yet you are going back there?”
9Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world’s light. 10It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.”
11After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”
12His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” 13Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
14So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, 15and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”

((I have to know that I can only be joyful when your faith in G-d is dependant on Him and not on anything that I could do. I have to know that G-d is higher than me in ALL ways, and that for you to have a personal relationship with Him is far more important than you thinking that I’m ANYTHING in the kingdom. I am broken and frayed; I am an ever-reaching human who will only ever strive to see my full potential. I only by G-d’s grace and mercy am able to see the light of each passing day, and given opportunities in those days to see the glory of G-d work through someone like me. I DON’T understand a G-d who loves me that much that He would allow me to take apart of His plan. But In G-d I Trust and In G-d I WILL Live.))

16Then Thomas (called Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”
Jesus Comforts the Sisters
17On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.18Bethany was less than two miles[a] from Jerusalem, 19and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
21“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
23Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
24Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
25Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?“

((Sometimes we have to ask ourselves… “Do you believe your Bible?” Legitimately, what are you looking for when you check off your chapter-a-day? What do you expect G-d to open your eyes to as you read? What are you seeking? Are you seeking or is it just your Christian-Cookie-Count that you need to keep up?))

((Jesus said,, “I AM”))

27“Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ,[b] the Son of God, who was to come into the world.”
28And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him.

((G-d, be our teacher. YHVH be our guide when we don’t know which way to go… Martha realized who she was with, she told Mary that the TEACHER IS HERE AND IS ASKING FOR YOU… Mary got up quickly and went to Him! G-d is looking for people to equip, He wants to see His children respond quickly to Him and listen to His instructions… When the teacher is looking for YOU will you go out and meet Him? Will you find exactly what He needs you to do and put actions to what you KNOW He is asking of you?)) ((This is about where the scripture decided it wasn’t done with me yet… G-d is looking for me… G-d is looking for you. Will you respond?))

30Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.
32When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34“Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
35Jesus wept.

((Jesus was moved to such compassion over His dead friend that He cried. The savior of the world wept over His friend that He knew had to go through death. “G-d has a deep, emotional and sympathetic love for you and others” – Firebible note 11.35))

36Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
37But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”
Jesus Raises Lazarus From the Dead
38Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb.

((Jesus was moved to the place where Lazarus was laid… His compassion led Him to the place where others left him for dead. Jesus came to my tomb… Jesus wept when I had to die (spiritually) because I simply wouldn’t believe. I didn’t understand, or didn’t care. I let myself become sick and for the glory of G-d, His timing came perfect. He showed His compassion and power through the resurrection of Lazarus… He came to the tomb where everyone else just claimed he had no life left inside of him. Jesus was deeply moved, for me, and came to my tomb when no one else believed I had anything to live for.))

It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39“Take away the stone,” he said.
“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”
40Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?“

((No, just… WOW))

41So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
43When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44The dead man came out,

((Is G-d calling the dead out of you? All of the times that you just want someone to believe in you, He is there calling you out of the place where no one else was willing to go. Truth is all of us are dead in some way or another. All of us have come to the brink of utter ruin, but only then do we see the master coming to where we were laid and given up on by men. Only there will we see the King of all kings come and weep before us because He so wants us to be alive. G-d so desperately wants us to be actively pursuing His will for our lives because it is greater than anything we could imagine. YHVH, you own us. Only you can call us from the dead and give us new life… Take off the grave clothes and let us go))

his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

((What are the old things that are covering you? Take off your grave clothes and lets see this new life G-d has called us to. Let us truly understand His compassion over us, His love over us, His calling over us. G-d, be in us, work through us FOR YOUR GLORY… if it’s not You, G-d, we don’t want it. Set us free with a new spirit. Call us out of the grave… YHVH even if it has been days, weeks, months, years that we have wasted in the grave… Let us be new.

Let us be yours. G-d, have compassion over your kids…

“Take back the years the enemy’s stolen…”

Scrabit : Speech

Posted on by lainamunoz

What do you do when you’re speechless?

You listen

Myself and a few friends went exploring around New Castle today, as well as all along the coast to return back to the hills. The ocean does my heart good. Sitting in front of a vast and extraordinary body of water calms my spirit and quiets me- for an honest lack of another way to explain it. I don’t have a lot to say today. So, I’ll ask you this: those who will read this take some time (the time you would have used reading this), listen to a song or two, or the silence, stare at the pretty picture I managed to take today and just listen.

And I pray that as you sit and breathe and listen that G-d would do you the solid promise of showing up. I don’t know what you need because I’m not sure who will see this or when, but I ask that what you seek is found. Know that I am praying for you. Know that G-d is with you and sees you and knows you and loves you.

I have some of my own listening to do.

If you need some songs to listen to:

(this blog isn’t sponsored by Hillsong, its just irony that it happens to be the school I got to because I didn’t really even realize thats who sang this.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_TOOXRpn8w (Always a good sit with Jesus song)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFfw6OSbUwE (Mmm…)

Scrabit : Family

Posted on by lainamunoz

#ThinkBackThursday to not so long ago when I realized a lot about why my relationship with my family meant more to my healing than anything else I could have done by myself. I do miss them, they’re pretty amazing. Enjoy!

It always collapses when I’m alone                  – 2 March 2014

The house has broke one me, twice – both times almost game me a panic attack. I HATE being somewhere unfinished, it makes me uncomfortable and reminds me of me. Which is one of many reasons I had to come home. We’ve been in the process of remodeling for a while and I hate the process. I grew up hating clutter and having lots of things going at once. I threw away birthday cards and went through my closet a few times a month to see what I could get rid of. I love cleaning out the refrigerator because I can get rid of whats old. Its such a simple task. Throw it out. We have a bonus room in the house with storage and keepsakes… so, naturally this was the room to take the hit of the flood. A pipe busted in January in our house in this room, because if you’re going to do damage might as well hit the most you can. This room was PACKED. From front to back, side to side and about 4 feet deep of stuff. When the water came it damaged things. And when we pack things that tightly, and damage it – we need help.

               I love my family – I love my mom and my dad, my brothers and sister.

My ceiling collapsed and it was like G-d opened my eyes. I tried my hardest to not be a packrat and clutter up my things and my life, and yet, I do it in the worst way. Emotionally and spiritually I shove things so far in, side to side, front to back and four feet deep. And until it collapses, I think I’m alright. But it DID collapse and I was alone… I couldn’t do anything by myself. NOTHING. It was simply too much.
My parents got home and mom was overwhelmed, she tried moving things out of the room but when you pack things that deep you need help unpacking. We HAD to call disaster relief people – when we pack junk into our hearts that much its OK to call people to help. We cannot and were not meant to do this alone. I am what I didn’t mean to be, I pack with the intension of unpacking and getting to it eventually when realistically somewhere I know I wont get to it unless I have to; unless disaster hits and insecurities are brought up. Until I lose my best friend and have to reevaluate myself. Until I have a panic attack and am alone crying in my car.

                              I need help unpacking

It’s difficult to be in a home that gives a clear example of my heart. but I need to be here. My parents are apart of my healing. I have a good home life, honestly. I always have. I get to thank my parents for sacrificing all they have to give me every allowance I have had to do whatever I feel called to do. They’ve supported my decisions for the most part, they disagree with my haircuts and one of my tattoos but they let me travel to Ireland when I was 15 to do missions. They let me pick where I felt G-d wanted me when my core group at church split; they’ve allowed me to move back home while I figure out what I’m doing with college; they give and love and have patience that I cannot measure. But satan will do anything and everything from a young age to skew our perception of our families…

My dad and my relationship has never been “bad” ever, we don’t fight and there has never been abuse. He was military when I was young and I don’t honestly remember him being around much. He took me to a daddy/daughter tea at my old church every year and one year he braided my hair for it. I was impressed at the wise old age of 6 or so that he knew how to do that. I have never doubted that he loves me – I don’t remember him being very affectionate growing up. He might of been but again, this is what my perception was. I call my dad or go to him when I hit bottom. He was in Malaysia when I broke up with my first “adult” boyfriend and I emailed him to let him know – He was the first of my family to know my ex had cheated on me (mostly because I figured mom would cry), He’s who I ran to when the next boy I really liked broke my heart and I just wanted to cry. He is the one I call when something breaks on my car. He’s who I called when the house flooded… both times.

When big stuff breaks he’s who I call, I know he loves me and in disaster he will be there but I want him to be my daily-dad. He traveled a lot for work and thats not bad but because of my perception I’ve made him a non-immediate option. He can be there but I wont bother him with the day-to-day unless he asks. But the older I get the more I need him in my day-to-day – I (like many people) project how my relationship is with my dad onto the Father. I know my Jesus loves me… and when I’m under a disaster He will listen when I call and offer fatherly advice but I want more. I want Him to be my daily Father. I want to bring Him the little things and if thats hindered right now because of my relationship with my parents then, well, lets go. I’ve known it for YEARS just not good at being open. I’m not great at communication but I’m stuck in this process of healing and all signs point to my relationship with my parents. And I want them in my life, I want their advice, I want their help, I want them to know I still struggle with fear and that I don’t know what to do about boys. I want to be able to tell them when junk isn’t working. I want my parents to know that they are the next step in my healing but I’ve been afraid to say what I think because I DO love them, and I don’t want them to think they’ve done anything wrong.. There was a break down in my perception and all I know now is to call out how I feel. I also still hate crying.

I’m sick of giving satan this foothold, I NEED my parents. There are people waiting on my healing – there are people on the other side of my obedience and I’m done wasting time.

I’m sick of being afraid of nothing. I’m home to heal.

To the kids, there is a lot you need from your parents if you admit it or not… The relationship you have with them means something in the Kingdom. Stop being a brat and figure out what you can do to improve your relationship and learn from them.

To the parents, thank you for numerous prayers over our lives… I’m sorry for all the heartbreak we put you through. Please don’t give up on us. We are a stubborn generation and need y’all all the more.

Tuition Flavored Bread

Posted on by lainamunoz

Well, I’ve always had a knack for sharing too much – then again, that’s why I started this. I felt like what was dropped in my spirit was to share my story; Share my ‘right now’ moments with Jesus. So please read this as just that, my story.

I got an email a few weeks back about a students’ favorite time of the semester: tuition is due. Cool.

I’ve been abundantly blessed with my season and my time here so far. G-d has been providing more than I need in many instances and I’ve seen blessings on blessings that I’m floored by. I moved here and my parents agreed to do what they could financially to help out with tuition and emergencies so in this case of the tuition email I wasn’t too worried as it came to the actual financial number on the page. I mean, no one wants to drop $2800 ever… unless you’re buying a jet ski, or a trip to Australia to come visit me, or like a really cool puppy with hunting and fishing and defending skills. So, I do what any college student running low on savings does and forward the email to my dad. His response shouldn’t have made me cry but in context of my season in my heart-feelers – I broke.

“How do you want to have this happen? You can pay it and I can raise the allotment so you get that money back quicker or we can put it on my debit card…”

Why any of this is important – I’ve been walking through a pretty dry and obnoxious desert season since Colour Conference. Maybe it didn’t start out this way but by this week I’ve grown pretty frustrated and unentertained with Jesus. Last week I wrote about ‘Daily Bread’ and having all we need… this week I’m frustrated that I’m only getting what I NEED which makes me sound terrible but this is real talk Wednesday (or really Friday by the time you read it). As far as revelations on Jesus, songwriting, being creative, writing, seeing G-d in all of creation it has been difficult for me to just sit and think “Wow, G-d, you’re doing so much” He is – He has, even if He never did one more thing for me He would have done enough. But feelings and being a human sucks and sometimes we have attitude issues. Previously in my week my journal looked a little something like this:

‘G-d, I’m not super happy with You – I’m just frustrated because I feel like I’m hearing a lot of words, and they’re all good words but I am personally struggling to find You. I feel like I’ve sat and I’ve waited and I feel like I keep being given JUST ENOUGH to get by’ ((and as I was writing loads of, “Laina, seriously? JUST ENOUGH?” thoughts came over me as I remembered what I had written about no more than a week prior)) –

‘No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11’

So, back to the part where I tie this in a pretty package and explain my heart-space-thoughts.

I’m sitting at the coffee shop with Krysia and Brian reading my dads email and trying to think through how to respond and what to say and what might be a good idea. I look at my bank account in the states and it has $2800 in savings… so I start to think, yeah I can pay tuition but it will wipe everything I have so I will either be relying on my dad or have to get a job or both. Which begins to start ripping away at my heart. You see, the last set of ‘instructions’ or ‘nudges’ I had about coming here was to sit, and learn how to receive from G-d. To rest (which included trusting Him with finances and not working) – and see how big G-d really is, I’ve worked the last 10 years of my life so it’s no issue for me to have a job and complete school. What the issue is for me is to sit, trust, rest and receive. As I typed an email back to my dad I let him know, ‘Yes, I can pay it but it’s all I have left so I will need you to help me’. I started realized what G-d has been up to (at least a very, VERY small part of what He has been up to). I’ve not been super pleased with my season and I’ve kept asking Him for something more than what I have; A word of confirmation, a day where I don’t feel like I’m wandering, water, something more than the minimum of what I need; and I could tell He was whispering, ‘How do you want to have this happen? You can give me the rest of what you have and I can keep giving you what you need or I can put it on my card…’

for lack of better words I felt like G-d was offering me a cop-out; maybe not a cop-out but an easy out for this season.

He can and will cover it. He can make it easy.

But, it took me realizing a smidge of what He is actually doing to say, ‘no, I can pay it, I’ll give the rest of what I have and trust that you’re going to set me up with just enough for this next season, discipline isn’t pleasant but you have peace for me through it and righteousness that you want to place in me.’

It killed me to say, “So dad, the last words I got from G-d was to sit… but I haven’t learned that lesson yet so I don’t feel like I need to get a job, which means I need you, to be faithful and help. I just need help.” because it makes my feel LAZY AS. Which kills me. I hate being lazy, I hate sitting, I hate waiting and I hate relying on someone else for my needs (I’m clearly in a learning process) I wanted to be able to say “Cool, I’ll just go get a job and this will all go smoother” but I have zero peace about that.

Chapels here in college have been cutting to the heart lately for me. Catrina (our principle) spoke yesterday which ended in Krysia (my housemate) giving me a glare as if they both had read my prayers to Jesus that day. Catrina spoke on the desert, how in the Bible this is an area of preparation, and that something great is coming when we are in these seasons. Sitting in the desert means we are on our way to the promise land even though at the time it feels like it takes everything we have to find an oasis. But, if the option is the easy out and remaining comfortable or spending what I have to see if G-d will show up… I guess I’ll take the latter.

I guess I’ll continue with my last set of instructions, I’ll continue to speak His Word over my life and take this desert as a reminder that something great is coming. I’ll choose to believe that His word is living and active and when I feel like I’m remaining the same, I choose to believe that His word changes me.

((He has GOOD for me.

…A Little Bit Louder Now

Posted on by lainamunoz

Sometimes I think that we are deafening our culture with our silence. We ignore when G-d asks us to speak because we discredit the people we think need to hear it. We think they wont listen because so many times before, they haven’t. But when we refuse to try anymore we refuse their chance of change – in OUR silence we rob them of that opportunity. We are cowards when we were called to be kings. We doubt people when we are told to forgive. We belittle the power of passion and love and the effectiveness of G-d’s Holy Word.

Why? Because we want to justify ourselves out of the risk of rejection—no one wants to hurt themselves so we refuse to take up the pain of others. For what? Our comfort? Image? Pride?

I’ve heard that “silence is golden” but when there is so much gold around it loses its value. The gold becomes more of a wall that is in the way rather than a single brick. That one brick may be the one person who took the time to listen to someone who was hurting and then offered help.

In our silence may we listen – but, the silence can’t last forever.

The value of silence has gone down and now G-d is looking for people bold enough to speak up and once more call those who are hurting back to Him.

“Come back to G-d, your G-d. And here’s why: G-d is kind and merciful. He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot. This most patient G-d, extravagant in love, always ready to cancel catastrophe.” Joel 2.13 (MSG)

Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread (and peanut butter and bananas and honey)

Posted on by lainamunoz

I was very recently asked my opinion on the “10 year plan” which at this point in my life is comical because my plans always change. Always. But they asked me, so now I’ll share my thoughts.

I’ve always been a ‘planner’ type and loved carving out those 5 and 10 year plans when I was younger. I’m sure if I remember correctly my 7th grade year would have looked something like this:

·      I want to be a Junior High Pastor (Grade 6-8)

·      I want to be a Christian Music Artist

·      I want to be an assistant to a youth pastor

·      I want a puppy

·      Be a racecar driver

  ((All Of The THINGS))

Contemporary music artist… this is fun, lets fast forward a bit to my 5-10 year plan at around 17 years old:

·      I want a Bachelors Degree in Business Management

·      I want to write a book

·      I want to be a worship leader/in a band 

·      I want to work at a church

·      Be a racecar driver

 

Now, have any of these ended the way I thought they would?

Absolutely not.

My “Junior High Pastor” experience was formed into 7 years of leading WIRED (The Monday after school fellowship/message/game event for 6, 7 and 8th graders between me being 15-21 years old. My “Christian Music” experience was lived out in writing songs and helping to lead at youth, college ministry and various house churches; and continues here in Aussie. I ended up being Assistant to the Youth Pastor and got a puppy so I did that right!                                                                

((madpropsLaina))

            My “Bachelors in Business Management” was learned at Chili’s in Broken Arrow and Pryor, Oklahoma by actually BEING a manager. My writing and publishing has increased to a consistent weekly process for the last 12ish weeks and I have a goal set to outline my book soon. My racecar driving ended up looking like more speeding tickets than I can count or care to remember. 

            My last 10 year plan started with my management position at Chili’s – I had every intention of working management for 5ish years (between 21-26) then move to Ireland and be able to pay for three years of theology school AND travel a year on top of that (I was going to save a LOT of money in those 5 years). I honestly was never expecting to end up cutting that short by 3 ½ years to move to Australia –

 Like, flip. What?! I live in Australia.

What is incredible is that all these dreams I’ve been given and desires I have had were lived out in such a way that they were all far greater that I could have imagined. They WEREN’T what I was expecting but as I’m living through my planned out days realizing how foolish black ink can really be I see that 5/10 year plans kind of suck.

            I function better in “I like this, I enjoy doing this, I’m going to take the open doors that are in line with this thought and direction” I think it’s good to set achievable goals and things you’d like to accomplish and give timelines and due dates, but to say “I’m going to be living here with this job and this much responsibility on my plate and this much free time and this much income” well, that (for me) isn’t practical.

            It doesn’t make sense. Maybe it works for some people but I pretty much have an agreement with G-d whenever I fill out a week of my planner than whatever He wants and whenever He wants to interrupt with whatever He wants me to do or say or path to take – He has permission to alter my schedule. I’ve just had far too many plans fail because they weren’t big enough.

            You see, I was raised in a culture of abundance and G-d has done entirely too much for me. The potential fall here is to see the abundance and somehow assume it’s deserved. At this point we pervert it and it becomes EXCESS. This has been one of the more difficult mindsets to break in my life if we are being totally honest. I am learning and training myself to realize that I have been given enough for today. My blessings and abilities are there to be used in my waking and before I go to sleep. I have EVERYTHING that I NEED so why would I let ANYTHING that is sitting in my hands to use – just sit.

I was given today my daily bread but what happens when I see the bread and think, “Yeah, naturally there is bread because I need it, I’ve earned this bread… so on top of this bread I think I should have some peanut butter and bananas as well. After all if I could have provided the bread than somehow I can make these delicious toppings happen as well” But you see, this is where we start to view our gifts and talents as excess… we see it as something earned and more than we need. What if we believed that G-d answered our prayers for daily bread and then we looked at our blessings and counted them as that instead of looking at all we have and seeing the ‘cherry on top’ mentality?

Your ice cream is sweet enough.

Recently in a pout-fest with my housemate via texting I was wondering what on earth I was doing here. She graciously reminded me,

“You prayed for this, you paid for this and now you are here. Isn’t that enough? Even if you never know isn’t this answered prayer enough?”

I’ve gotten to do everything I’ve ever wanted to do it just hasn’t always looked the same. I got here by doing well with what I was handed; and it is my daily prayer that I continue to see everything I have as daily bread. As something to be used today because tomorrow I’m going to need more and it might not look the same.

Proverbs 16:9 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.”

So, do what you will… but good luck with that.

I hope I live in a way that sees my blessings as abundance and something to be used, I’ve been given a lot and my heart has had loads of fulfillment in the seasons I’ve walked through. But, it was only there to build upon and not to see as “Oh check out my awesome toast that I bought”. Get over yourself.

but also, I love you all. 

For The Love Of G-d

Posted on by lainamunoz

Think Back Thursday –  sometimes I absolutely love remembering how simple things got to me.

“For the love of G-d, Live.”

This phrase has been stuck with me for a while now because it was going to be the next thing I was going to write about; but that’s all I had. It’s simple and I kept trying to add my own ‘ness to it. But, there is nothing to add… Please just understand it.

All for the love of G-d, the love that we have that is to G-d, the love that isn’t about us but about HIS kingdom… begin to live. No longer let yourself be satisfied with just dying for the Father’s will, but also LIVE. You, friend, have been given life and you we’re expected to do something with it. If you weren’t then you wouldn’t be here.

Please find the daily chances to show a love that is forgiving, a love that is accepting of people’s hurt, a love that will move people to change, a love that is UNFAILING… a precious gift from a Savior to His people that sometimes we complicate. His love wasn’t meant to be confusing it was meant to be ours. And because HE knew we’d forget – He reminded us again and again that it would always be there because it always has been.

Shoot, I don’t deserve it but that statement alone is where we complicate it.

No, I don’t deserve it but He still chose it for me.

He Loves Us.

How He loves us so… And for this reason alone I’m inviting you to live; To make choices and follow up on people and give up yourself.

Something inside you is aching and screaming over and over, “For the Love of G-d, LIVE!”

Do I Look Fat In This Dress? The Question You’ll Hear 500x Because We Hear it 5000x

Posted on by lainamunoz

So, I’ve realized a lot of things this week – and credit the majority of them to conversations with incredible people. I swear I’m never the wise one… I’m just one of the many who enjoy to regurgitate the wisdom in word form.

One of many of these lovely things that has been rolling around my heart and head this week has been body image. (Ewww, no one wants to talk about that!) But, it’s something I’ve battled with for ages and this week was dropped in my person-gut to talk about, because to my recollection I’ve never written about it.

How am I doing right now? I’m really good, I love eating, I love working out because I like to be strong and active, I love wearing hoodies and Nike shorts and I tolerate now more than ever wearing a dress occasionally. I have in the past been uncomfortable in every article of clothing I tried to wear out in public, I’ve had a mental mindset (and still do sometimes) that I’m actually bigger (weigh more, stomach sticks out farther, legs are fatter) than I am… I think there is a medical term for that but I don’t know what it is and I don’t think I’m a severe case to really even need to know. I chalk it up to being a woman. However, I know that those thoughts will come. IF nothing else then I can always tell when its that time of the month when I literally look the EXACT same as the day previous but I all the sudden feel like a beached whale in my t-shirt and wonder how I have friends. The thing is that I grew up with this, I walked through not eating and eating just to throw it up again – I went through being depressed and “not enough” and deciding to not eat AND go work out before. And even to this day, Satan is quite aware of me and how aware I am of me. He often whispers in a tone far too similar to mine, “Maybe lay off the Tim Tams… or all the food.” or “You should change, you look ridiculous”, or reminds me of all the crunches and leg lifts I haven’t done and how much it happens to be showing that day.

If this is a shock to you or not it’s the truth of some of my past and I think it’s important to let you know you aren’t the only one. It’s equally important for me to know I’m not the only one… I’ve been blessed with honest people and ones who’ve helped me though my mental battle (and continue to do so) I asked a BEAUTIFUL friend of mine to help me out this week. I’ve seen her walk through and change her attitude time and time again to health and not the disorder that plagues the minds of millions (men and women alike).

Allow me, if you will… and even if you wont I don’t care because you’re still reading… to share some thoughts from my friend:

I have struggled with my own perception of my body and what that means about my value as a human being basically my whole life. I almost developed an eating disorder in high school and was completely obsessed with what I ate and what I looked like. The amount of time I have wasted thinking about how I’d like to be skinnier or fretting over a wrinkle on my face is ridiculous. I could have been thinking about ways to better the lives of the people in my life; Or learning a language; Or reading about the world around me.

For me, the only way I can prevent going into obsessive mode is to just not entertain (more accurately: try not to entertain) the annoying thoughts that are always looking to creep into the forefront of my consciousness. Kick butt at the gym? Yes. But then don’t obsess over how I could have done better after the work out is over or wonder why I don’t look like Serena Williams. Eat healthy? Absolutely. But then don’t beat myself up for not eating whole organic foods for every single meal of my whole entire life. Wear makeup? If that’s you, then yes boo, get it. But I’ll try not to feel bad for not caring. Wear sunscreen? Um yes, wrinkles. Ain’t nobody got time for premature aging. But I really need to stop obsessing over my skin just because I don’t look as fresh as I did when I was 16. Aging is a privilege. I need to start seeing it that way.

Bodies are marvelous things. We should appreciate them and care for them as such. Me and my fellow women can grow little humans. I think that this ability is as equally amazing as it is totally weird. We can laugh, and hug, and dance, listen to and create music, and see and hold cute little baby ducks. And our bodies house our minds. And with our minds, humans have created the means to travel into outer space. OUTER SPACE! I want to use my brainpower for something better than worrying about the circumference of my waist.

Do I think it’s bad to try and look beautiful? I wish I didn’t even care. I wish that it were something that never even crossed my mind. Right now, that’s not the case. I’m fairly vain to be honest. But I’m trying to retrain my brain not to be; because there are better things I could be pondering.

I wish appearance didn’t hold as much power as it does in our society. I wish we could learn to see each other the way dogs see humans. Doesn’t matter if you’re overweight, short, white, skinny, purple, plagued by severe acne, or have the looks of Theo James (thank ya Jesus! [I’m aware that this is hypocritical]), dogs will love you any way you are as long as you’re kind. Dogs are cool.

Ugh, my friends… they’re the best.

What a beautiful thought – My mom always told me, “Pretty is as pretty DOES” I hope I DO pretty well. I hope that I am kind and love people regardless of what they look like.

Like I said, I’ve had support through this, she’s sat me down on more than one occasion to ask, “Laina, how are YOU REALLY?” It helps me to hear the questions and answer them out of my own head because like I said, Satan’s tone is all to similar to mine. I stand stronger when I stand with a friend. When I realized I wasn’t the only one and that I could talk though my life with people I found it so much easier to live.

Maybe you don’t deal with this at all… which is sick and I’m jealous. Or maybe you do, maybe you don’t want to talk to me but you need to talk to someone and thats totally fine. But, please DO talk to someone. I’ve now briefly shared that there is at least two other real human beings in the world who also are walking through or have walked through this so at the very least. Just know you aren’t alone. And, not sure why I needed to even get this out but there was no doubt I did. This is where I just expect Jesus to be Jesus because my thoughts are way too simple.

((well, that was different))