Sometimes story time is hard.
Sometimes there is too much going on to focus on just one thing, or lesson or instance that has happened in the last week. I will say that more and more everyday I’m finding that I’m getting involved in things that if G-d doesn’t turn up for then I am screwed. I’m doing more than I expected and all the opportunities I’m graced with being apart of are nothing short of Jesus handing them to me on a silver platter. I don’t deserve the blessings but He keeps pouring them out, and I’m so thankful that He is.
This last week has been focused on creating space and seeking clarity. I just began praying for G-d to show up and I think halfway in my mind I was expecting some great moment where He sat me down and spoke massive and deep revelations that I have never thought about. But that didn’t happen. Instead I had a lot of quiet moments of peace and realizing that:
1) I was alive
2) Worship was sweet
3) If there is no ‘A’ or ‘B’ to choose from then the path is the path (thanks dad)
I feel odd saying I was given peace about being alive but I can’t actually think of a better way to explain it. I was just existing and breathing and drinking tea and sitting in class and cleaning my room and writing – and I was ok. I was responding to Facebook messages from people back home updating me about their lives and some who haven’t quite made it back home traveling around and being awkwardly reassured that my person on this earth is both insignificant and absolutely necessary for this time right now.
Tuesday and Wednesday mornings are becoming some of my favorite times each week. My housemate and I just go to the coffee shop and read and write and chat and allow each other to encourage one another and speak into each others lives… which, if you don’t do that with SOMEONE I would highly recommend it. One of the wonderful parts about having someone to speak into your life is that you have less of a chance to forget who you are. When someone is looking at you telling you from an outside perspective that you HAVE grown and that you ARE gifted and anointed and that they see your faithfulness you feel refreshed and not trapped in your own thoughts. As well as you get to have another person that you encourage and uplift and get to do that for as well.
So have friends. And be alive.
Worship was sweeter. I’ve grown up in church and have heard several hundreds of song of Jesus’ presence being all we need or His presence being sweet and I do recall time and time again the truth of those statements – but something about this week… and focusing on it just makes it so much better. It wasn’t this over-emotional journey of being with Jesus it was just an overwhelming snuggle-session with the Savior. It was like all the sudden I was comfortable in His presence; not that I wasn’t before but this week has been more inviting.
Finally, the parent conversation…
I text a few of my close friends and my parents asking them to pray for me as I was seeking clarity this week to which my dad asks, “What choices or decisions are you needing to make?” ((well, really… I didn’t)) “Because if there is nothing that needs deciding, the path is the path” ((ugh, dang… thanks for confirming what I was thinking and unsure of for three days))
“I don’t want to simplify it, but if you have a choice of ‘A’ or ‘B’ then you “need” to hear, but if you’re moving forward and there is not a choice… Focus on the now and learn all you can, EXPERIENCE all you can. Live all you can. I wish and pray for you… (remember how I got here) if you are going to fail, fail quickly… fail as often as you need to. Pick up, brush off and carry on.”
So, I have said in previous posts but if you are just joining from this point or only joining at this point I’ll let you know its been a relatively quiet season for me as far as what I FEEL but the only snippet from Jesus I seem to be getting is “carry on with your last set of instructions” which will be different for each one of us but for me its to get quiet, get on my knees and be with HIM. Learn to be still and know that He is G-d. Do what I love. REST. TRUST. BE.
So to take a week of focus and hear nothing but, “hey, why are you seeking for an answer on a question that hasn’t been asked?” really put into perspective my season. If my only option is to continue then what am I worrying about?