Why Commitments Are Hard

…because there is always something else to do.

Well, fiddlesticks and what the heck?! It’s been two weeks since I posted which is a record in my blogging world. Which isn’t in any way the records I want to be setting.

There has been a massive shift in schedules as we bring the semester here at Hillsong College to a close and with that – an odd lack of desire to write, based solely on the question rolling in my head of, “Why am I doing this?”

A few scene setting facts:
1) I started doing whole30 like 3 weeks ago, with a few planned-in cheat days it’s actually still going really well.
2) I started a reading plan for the whole Bible in 6 months a week ago. I got 20 chapters behind at the beginning of today (but I’m caught up and ready to continue into Exodus tomorrow)
3) I have a goal to publish a blog every week
4) Laundry

Whole30 has a few wonky rules that I don’t agree with because the program cuts out some healthy things as well as all the bad stuff. But, overall I’ve felt incredible and fully awake during the days (I even gave up coffee*). I started this 30-day challenge because one of my flatmates (whose name will remain anonymous) told me she was doing it. In my experience these things are always done better with people so I volunteered to do it with her. Only she lasted long enough to do a whole3 which she decided would then be a ‘dirtythirty’ as she MOSTLY followed the rules but sometimes didn’t. But I kept to it wondering over and over, ‘wait, why am I doing this? I was supporting someone who is now not even doing what I was supporting her in‘.

I read 20 chapters of Genesis today. It started off by just reading 5 chapters one day instead of the 7 on the list, then it was getting behind because I was reading commentaries with the chapters. All of that moved to only reading a chapter yesterday and boom – I read from Jacob and Esau through their family trees and past all the incest and deceit to Joseph being hated, sold and restored as second in command over Egypt. I wont lie to you and act like the perfect Bible Student and say I loved every bit of it. My thoughts were echoing that of the questions around my dietary choices… ‘why am I trying? I haven’t read the Bible cover to cover in ages and now I’m shoving it in during conference, break, traveling and a new semester?’

It’s Sunday the 26th of June. I SHOULD have posted the 24th and before that on the 17th. But life happened in the worst kind of way and my questions got the better of me, ‘Why am I doing this? Does the internet need one more blog from the opinion of a young adult just trying to inspire people to live their dreams?’

No, we very much don’t need one more blog in inspirational-opinion form encouraging those who read to go after something. But that’s not why I’m writing this now.

I had a whinge and was reminded of a message that I forgot I wrote myself,
“Write as if no one knows your story… write like no one will every know.”

You see, I write because the questions can’t dictate my commitments – they can come (because they WILL come) but I have to build grit into my personhood that looks at doubt and says, ‘fiddlesticks and what the heck?! You have no bearing here’

and then JUST DO IT.

I forever have at least one more load of laundry to do.

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