Today in class we were challenged to tell the person next to us why we are here. We were asked to remember the reason that we came to college. It has been a great breath of fresh air this week to think on the season that led up to moving to Australia – G-d was doing great things, Oklahoma was the kindest it had ever been to me, I felt closer to my family than I ever had and it was time to leave.
I can’t honestly remember why I was on a plane in January other than the trip here but I wrote this while trying to avoid overthinking. Please enjoy!
Flights are annoying, and boring, and lonely. You have to turn your phone onto airplane mode and just sit. I play Sudoku but eventually that gets frustrating. You can read or write depending on how much space you have to move your elbow from one side of the seat back tray to the other. But mostly, you’re left to be with your own thoughts and feelings. You think about the last time you flew, where you went, what trips you have coming up and so on and so forth. If you’re smart you brought snacks. Thought exploration is exhausting.
“Here it’s You and me alone G-d, You and me alone.”
Learning how to be alone is going to take me time… I enjoyed being alone once upon a time, for a season. But now as I have been out of that season for a bit of time I don’t really enjoy loads of “alone”. I find time spent with people more valuable and enjoyable because frankly, I’m pretty happy right now and I don’t want to learn sometimes – because I don’t like correction.
So, here I am. It’s a baby flight compared to the 17 hour one I have ahead of me but it’s a good reminder and starter for what I have to look forward to.
I’ve been praying for a family when I get to Australia already. I group of parents that will call me their own and let me cry on their couch when I miss my bloodline; A mom and dad that will possibly let me adopt a puppy under their care (wishful thinking). A couple that will care for me and invite me over for Sunday dinners, a counselor to talk to. There are people in my own life currently that model what they do well. These are positions in my life I don’t care to live without… I’m too old to care if my roommates like me or not. I just need a family to care for me. I am NOT an adult.
I have already started praying for the young girls I will live with (I have an odd feeling they will be young), for their growth while they are there and for their hearts as they take a few years to adventure into education. I’ve already begun to pray for my professors and faculty that they don’t mind my brashness and attitude I tend to write and live with. I don’t know who will be picking me up from the airport but I’ve already begun to pray for them too.
I don’t believe in coincidence anymore. There will be a reason behind my conversations with people, and Lord willing, He’ll maybe use me to draw out things people don’t see in themselves. And may it begin when I am alone… May it start on my plane ride there, with the patient people sitting to my right and to my left as I cry my way from Tulsa to Texas and onto Sydney. I’ve had too many “random choices” that led to G-d moments with random people to think when I walk it isn’t on purpose. When I wake up in the morning it is for no other reason that G-d allowing me to be apart of someone’s story. To show them a little more of the Creators heart wrapped up into who they already are.
If you collect me from the airport that first day in Sydney, know I was praying for you. Future housemates, I hope G-d wrecks you in whatever time we have together at Hillsong. Absolutely levels your foundation and rebuilds and fortifies who you are (whoever you might be). I hope you fight with me, I hope you cry with me, I hope you learn how to share with me and be real with me, I hope you learn how to heal as I learn this walking in healing. I hope we laugh together to the point of tears and spend a few hours exhausting the “next episode” button on Netflix. I’m leaving it in G-d’s hands which makes it more exciting than I can stand.
Teachers… I hope you don’t fail me. (haha, kinda serious though)… I hope you understand what I’ve learned from childhood to now is to be bold about who I am and if you don’t agree I typically don’t care. If you’re right then I’ll learn eventually. And I will admit it to you. But I am already praying what you teach is fully absorbed by my little ol’ self. I want to be a student to the fullest and give you back as much time in my work as what you’ve put into educating us. You are valuable and will be a life changing person for me. Even if I think your class is dumb.
((I hope I don’t have to take any dumb classes.
For those who I’ve been forced to say farewell to and will have to say it to soon… I hope you know how dearly you will be missed and I hope you know how excited I am to leave you. I love having conversations with a lot of you (some of you all are more of a challenge) and I love downloading and learning from you. I am excited to sharpen my skills and thoughts and come back and learn again what G-d has done in your lives and share what He has done in mine. I’m excited to miss you because it’ll make the reunion hug that much more squishy.
Squishy hugs rule.
Reunions are beautiful.
And my friends are freaking great.
So, as I prepare for the flight and the time I have to be alone just know… I’ll probably spam your Facebook with writing. I’d apologize but I really like writing and if you don’t like reading then don’t click on the links 🙂 If you do like reading, be my friend. This is how I process and learn I’m excited to see what there is to see and meet people that will become my adoptive family for a season… And if I get a puppy in the next year I’m gonna freak out 🙂 Thanks for reading if you actually took the time.
I have love for you all.