I think there are loads of things in my life that I sit back and ask,
“Why am I still doing this?”
Writing is one of those.
Writing is hard.
This is week 16 and more than ever I feel more like spam rather than anything useful for anyone. Then I think to myself, “Well Laina, this isn’t about THEM ((whoever them is)) this is about the fact that you felt really strongly about the calling to be faithful with your writing so that G-d could teach you a few things about yourself (ugh, there G-d goes bringing that into this)”
((Faithfulness is hard))
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
“Endure hardship as discipline; G-d is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciple – and everyone undergoes discipline – then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all.”
I know this is heavily influenced by the Think Back Thursday but it’s absolutely where I’m at with life right now AND what my week has been focused on
Lets stroll here for a little bit. Consider it JOY when you face trials. I had to ask this question to myself several times recently, “am I viewing trials as an opportunity to grow, am I finding joy knowing that I’m learning perseverance?” At first the answer was a hard “No” followed by “Laina what the heck are you doing with your life?” and then it was a “yeah, sometimes I think I get that” and now it’s a daily battle of having little to no passion behind a lot of the things I feel called to do because it’s just been a long season and its not always easy to hold only what you thought you knew.
What I do know to be true is the active Word of G-d. ‘you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance… and let that finish so that you might be mature and complete, not lacking anything’ G-d I don’t want to lack so help my views change on what I’m walking through. You’re teaching me how to be a child I just need to sit and listen.
Why writing is hard:
It’s time consuming – which isn’t as big of a deal right now because all my assessments are in and competent (humble brag) but it requires focused time and time to process which sometimes I struggle with.
Its personal – sharing is hard. Partly because sometimes I don’t want to admit to myself where I am and the other bit would be because I, as an author, don’t want to bore you with something that isn’t useful. Actually, I’d love to accomplish the opposite. I want people to feel like they can be a little bit more of a person when they read what I write. I want them to fall more in love with Jesus or meet Him for the first time. I want people to laugh when they catch up on my dry humor. And I want to constantly be getting better both at storytelling and writing real gud.
It’s not always read – hmm… which brings me back to faithfulness. I felt like this was something G-d wanted to work on in my life was sticking to commitments if no one reads it or not, now that I think about it that’s pretty funny since I typically write in a journal daily anyway but this is more along the lines of editing and cleaning up the thought process and publishing something I’d be proud of. Come Fridays that doesn’t always happen but I also enjoy looking back and seeing how much I’ve grown so the weak posts are welcome as well. Feeling awkward about my work is alright.
You don’t always have something awesome to say – You have no idea how badly I want to be sharing these ridiculous, life-changing revelations that Christ has shown me throughout the weeks but sometimes I’m too stubborn to sit and listen and I don’t get them. I want to be a good author and I’m still learning what that means. Sometimes, (and PLEASE do correct me if I’m wrong, seriously, I’d love to know if I’m the only one who thinks this way), I think it has more to do with consistency and the subtle changes for the better than always having content that will bring the reader to tears and make them do that next thing that they haven’t been brave enough to do yet. Maybe I’ll get there, but for now I’m learning a lot about sitting, thinking, writing and rewriting.
‘Let perseverance finish its work in you so that you will be complete and mature, not lacking anything.’
I’m clearly not mature yet. But, G-d is good at reminding me of who He IS creating me to be. Faithfulness and Loyalty are some of the most important things in the world to me and in the last two weeks or so G-d has used a few different people to remind me that HE sees me as faithful… I truly believe that’s not just the early mornings with Him but sometimes I like to think it’s the continuing to do the things that I currently don’t find awesome.