Self-talk: The part of my writing that is optional to read because it’s my brain regurgitating itself onto the pages of my Microsoft word document. It typically has no order or clear point but this is what I deal with on the daily. Welcome to it.
I don’t like being stuck on the same thought process or project for a long time. Which is actually a little bit ridiculous of me to count two weeks as a ‘long time’. Laina, get over yourself. It’s taken to the next level of ridiculousness when I remember that I want to write a book, and that usually has a theme; it usually has a thought process that lasts between 4-32 chapters (I pulled those numbers off of Wikipedia… it’s on a page that I haven’t written yet). Basically I just maybe need to be a bit more forgiving with myself. And I possibly need to be a little less critical of being in a season that is longer than my comfort lasts. So again, I’m posting about the waiting.
Let’s call it “Part II” so that it looks like I meant to be on this again.
Scripture: The part of my writing that isn’t optional to read because it’s G-d’s Word retyped onto the pages of my Microsoft Word document. It’s typically whatever I’m reading at the time and what I pray finds you exactly where you are at, in the moment when you need it most. May it speak truth to you in your misunderstandings daily.
“Be still, and know that I am G-d; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”
Be Still and know that I am G-d. I feel like I’m overcomplicating this. I am overcomplicating this. How do I not overcomplicate this? Lord, what does being still look like for me right now? I have this fear of wasting time and being ‘unproductive’ – G-d, I’ve seen your redemptive power in my life so many times before. I actually can’t get this wrong. Break my mindsets that in any way to have final say over what is beneficial for me.
Take back the years the enemy’s stolen
Satan has no power over our time
It’s like He just wanted to whisper over me, while sitting at a coffee shop (like a good hipster college student) I broke. Whilst pondering over this scripture that I have memorized and forgotten that it was tucked there: I remembered all the times before when the Lord had shown His faithfulness to me and reminded me of what He has done. I was reminded that HE IS G-D. I was reminded that HE WILL be exalted in the nations and HE will be lifted in all the earth, in spite of where I stand with Him and despite if I’m coming along on the journey. He will move and His glory will be seen. ((Oh Lord, I want to come along)). I’ve seen the depths of wasted time in my life, I’ve seen the laziness, I’ve seen the moments I didn’t want to seek Him, I’ve seen the seasons when I was too prideful to actually share any good news. And although I could at any point recount the ways that I’m actually just a sack of bones taking up space –
the LORD sees my time as worth something when I sit.
He created me… I know that some of you doubt that but it’s true. I’m His doing. One thing some of my close people know about me is that my strongest love language is quality time. I can honestly just sit with someone and love them more for it. We don’t even have to be talking I just like to be with them. (some of them). So G-d isn’t surprised, in fact I believe He was waiting on me to learn, that my love languages translate into my needs as it comes to G-d as well. He wants me to finally get that I have to learn how to be still before Him not just because it’s commanded, but personally for me because I need to learn to love Him that way. By a sacrifice of time. It is in those moments I realize it isn’t even a sacrifice; G-d has redeemed the time over and over and again anew in my life.
No time spent with Him sitting still and quiet in His presence will come back void.
It simply can’t.
And so, with that, I’m still learning. I’m taking comfort in the fact that my time with Him even when I am sitting and especially when I am sitting is precious. It’s there that I learn to breathe, to grow closer to Him EVEN WHEN I’M NOT SAYING A WORD, I just love Him more from being with Him.
Synopsis: The part of my writing that you could have skipped to from the beginning if you didn’t want to read Part II of waiting and being still. Haha, sucker! I put it at the end!
I should have listened the first time (and then KEPT listening) to what I thought G-d was saying to me… story of my life. But also, I just tend to forget easily or freak out when I do hear silence. I still think I prefer anything other than silence unless you’re a real life person in the flesh, so negative points to Laina for being hypocritical and having a double standard for G-d.
Thank the LORD that He is gracious on me because dang, I’m not the brightest at all times.
Also, if you’re feeling this way or have felt this way then blam, now you aren’t the only one! Not that you ever were. This is why I write. Share your stories and find out that you aren’t alone. We were never meant to do this alone.