Scrabit : Renew

Growth is a beautiful thing, I have no one but G-d to thank for increasing consistency in my life. Passion will take you far and people will push you forward but I actually have no idea how I’ve remained consistent this semester apart from Jesus actually just allowing me to speak and think and write and grow. I’m so thankful for the growing even when it’s painful and lacking in beauty. Jesus do what You will.

What do you do when things take longer than you expect?

What I am doing right now?

Right now I’m on a 30 day challenge that is taking me more than 30 days… sometimes a challenge turns more into an adventure and might just take 45 days, or maybe 60. But, the challenge is what will always be there; to create and produce and meditate and give 30 days of yourself.

If you’ve been following anything I’ve posted you’ll realize that I am not daily. I am an inconsistent person. I will never admit I’ve reached perfection and please never have that mindset for me. I am human. I will fail. I will be forgiven.

NOT because I’ve earned it but because G-d sees me as worth it.

So what then? I’m left feeling a little less of myself because I can’t be consistent with something I love doing anyway. But why am I doing this? Is it to have a month of scrabits* for people to read? Or is it to have a goal to set and make, no matter how getting there looks like?

I’m now in my 5th semester of college (my 5th semester of community college) my Junior year and I’m still finishing my associates because well… I stretched my 2 year challenge into a 3 year adventure. And quite frankly, I hated it for a while. Yet, I’m here for a reason. There is a reason I still walk the halls at the North East and Southeast campus and there in a reason I will be there for one more semester after this. It can get discouraging when you don’t exactly know the reason but knowing that G-d still has the master plan is quite a bit comforting.

The Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years waiting on their view to change. I don’t believe G-d is calling me to TCC for 40 years but while I’m still there I’ll be working on giving my art, on giving myself and on looking for the people who might need me. Or the ones I need.

I’m not sure much of what else this is other than a confirmation that I’m still in. Sometimes I think I just need to remind myself of that.

            … let the journey continue.

Psalms 51.10 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

*Scrabit – a blurb; a short document of developed or underdeveloped thoughts; a conglomeration and combobulation of random thoughts that have intentions of letting you know you’re not the only person who’s thought that way.

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