About four weeks ago I specifically remember telling my friend Maggie, “No it’s ok I don’t really ever get sick I have a great immune system”. One week later I began showing signs of a cold or maybe a flu, I’m not sure but I was in fact sick. Loads of college students were sick so I didn’t think much of it other than the common cold was going around and sucks to suck now I’m sick too. I had a day of being in my bed wondering why the sun was shining if I felt so terrible followed by a few days of forcing myself to school with a bag full of cough drops to keep handy. I got better after 5 days or so but still had a cough and couldn’t breathe all that well. I believe it was about 2 days later when I got sick again.
I wasn’t able to serve or go to class without feeling light headed and I had to give up a pretty cool opportunity that I was excited about. I wasn’t able to do my normal routine of mornings at the coffee shop with Krysia or going to the gym or doing any extra activities. I finally went to the doctor after my lovely friend Maggie was diagnosed with Whooping Cough. I just had a sinus infection but I knew chances of it getting better on it’s own were slim to none with how Christmas-toned my mucus was. I’m feeling much better now and with the advice of my teacher purchased some nasal spray and antihistamines to take every day.
Something happened though in these last three weeks of being sick. I got homesick as well. There is nothing I want more when I don’t feel well than my big queen sized bed and a mommy who will bend over backwards to make sure I have all the soup, Cheez-its, Poweraid and Ice cream I need when I’m sick. My friends here did an incredible job and shout out to Krysia for making me some bomb soup to help me along the way. I just felt weak and wanted to be home.
It seems to always happen that way actually, when my physical body isn’t doing so well neither is my spirit person and in turn neither is my heart. I begin to break down when I’m sick and can’t fight the mental battles on my own. When I have no physical strength in my body it is very difficult to fight the spiritual battles as well. I began fighting feeling overwhelmed and not enough for what I was called to, I began to believe the lies that I didn’t fit in or look pretty enough or thin enough or strong enough to be who I know I am able to be. I’m not at all surprised that when I feel weak I mentally retreat back home. I retreat to the need for my bloodline and the strength in my family. I was sick and just wanted my mommy.
Maybe this is the reason we are commanded, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30) G-d knew (because He created) how connected we were in our body, heart, soul, strength so much so that He knew if we were loving Him fully with one of these we’d be loving Him fully with all of these. We are intricate beings that are connected at every level within us. I can’t explain all of the science but I know that when its sunny out I’m typically happier and when I’m happier I’m more productive and feel better about what I accomplished that day. When I’m sick and its storming outside I’m proud of myself for getting out of bed. When I have the chance to work out consistently I feel a little bolder about who I am and the way I was created and when I’m taking care of myself I’m a little less insecure.
((When I’m sick it’s hard to fight.
I think this is also why we’re commanded to take care of our bodies, we aren’t loving Jesus well with them if we aren’t and if we aren’t loving well with our bodies, our spirit people suffer. We are so beautifully and wonderfully made. G-d knows what He is doing when He tells us to love and serve Him with all of us. We can’t serve with half or we really aren’t serving at all.
There is no bliss in ignorance and I am unprepared. There is heartbreak coming, you see. I have family and a group of friends that are very dear to my heart. I have a best friend I treasure more than every possession I own. I am fully aware of how bad moving across 9,000 miles is going to hurt — I’m patiently and grudgingly waiting for those first few lonely weeks of crying myself to sleep while my family gets ready for their lunch. I’m emotionally conscious of the random lonely that will hit. I know I will be sad and cry my way through the airport. There is a balance of excitement along with this, but that isn’t the point of this overflow. ((Blah, Blah, PERSONAL STORY TO GET YOU ENGAGED))
How do you proceed to the heartbreak when you’re FULLY aware it’s right around the corner?
This is NOTHING like what Jesus experienced, but this is the thought process He used with me to get this story across to me. I’m reminded of Calvary. Jesus was fully aware of the heartbreak that he was willingly walking into because of something greater that had to come. He saw my salvation as a fitting and worthy cause to be broken.Through the last few days and moments the disciples had with Jesus, He was telling His story. “When Jesus had finished saying all these things, he said to his disciples, “As you know, the Passover is two days away–and the Son of Man will be handed over to be crucified.”a
((Whoa, Symolism)) The Passover was a festival celebrating the Hebrews’ first-born children who were spared by covering their door frames with the blood of a pure and spotless lamb.
I get it, it’s all in there packed between the pages of Genesis and Revelation but sometimes it just hits you. I believe that G-d is The G-d of ALL creation, I believe He is a poetic being and that He is creative in the deepest bursts of wind, in the cries of infants, and in the silence of a dark night. I believe He uses symbolism because He enjoys it; He created us in His image and He knows that we will understand when He uses stories because HE CREATED us to understand. I believe that’s why I tie things together like my silly little life stories reminding me of The Cross and what Jesus did knowing how badly it would hurt. MY LIFE was saved because of His blood that He chose to spill so that I would be COVERED in the blood of the lamb. This story has been there for years and it’s finally resounding in my heart in a new way. I was passed over by death and sin and destruction because it couldn’t even see me through His blood. He knew what He was doing and sat it fit to give up His perfect Son so that I may live. Blugh. Real talk. Hits you in the feels, every time.He continued through knowing heartbreak was coming for me – for you. Please understand me, like I said… this isn’t the same thing but this IS what He used for me to understand that His story isn’t over; it’s written between the pages of Genesis and Revelation and it continues to be written in each one of us, or despiteeach and every one of us. I am not a saviour to the world but what I am is called and chosen. I accepted the call to live my best to love. My obedience is 9,000 miles away from home. I’ve been promised that through obedience I will see chains fall. I believe in the redemption of time in HEALING and I believe that Jesus uses stories to draw us closer to Him. I believe in the authority He has given to us when He ascended to heaven promising us that, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and TEACHING THEM TO OBEY everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always to the very end of age.”b What is your heartbreak? Where is your obedience? What is coming in your life so that something greater can come? I surely have no idea; I’m only a friend closely with a few of you and even less that actually get real with me. That’s ok, I pray you have your person that you download to and your group that you invest in. They’re worth it –if you’ve been hurt by them or not. And if you haven’t been hurt by them, don’t worry it’ll come. But, your giving isn’t about what you can get from them.It IS about living and being a member of the body of Christ. Jesus continued because of LOVE. Learn to love and I believe you can give the world something that might make a difference.
Why are you being scared kid? – “It’s a completely different sky there.”