In Time, Child

Posted on April 1, 2015 by lainamunoz

I find irony in a #ThinkBackThursday about ‘Timing’… so please enjoy my silent chuckle and my smile as I share with you my thoughts. 5 March 2014

There is so much importance in timing.

It’s something we avoid from elementary school: There are tasks we have to do daily – some are bigger, some are smaller but it’s when we overlook the important ones to pick something easier that we can sometimes miss out on the reward of obedience.

Step two is easier and more immediately rewarding even though, if we had taken step one AND THEN TWO we would have gotten more out of step two (track with me). We would have been wiser and more equipped for what we had to do. There is also the issue of skipping steps and never returning to square one because you got distracted and are now “busy”.

“G-d, step one is harder and I really just don’t want to. So I know you’ve given me every sign in the world that leads there… but step two is also beneficial for others so I’m just gonna go ahead and move forward.

Look, G-d! I’m being productive! I got this.”

WRONG.You very much DON’T have this.

There is so much importance on timing and yes, while you can spend your time doing beneficial things for others, what painful, stripping, purifying, life changing step are you not taking? You can move forward, that’s the scary part. And you WILL be used if you’re willing, which is terrifying. Half hearted leaders wandering around who refuse to get their crap together and worse, they won’t let anyone else know that they are broken.

I’ve done it long enough to know when I’m taking the second step just to distract myself from the first.

I might not know you well enough to call it out, but you do. That’s why I write. Well that and I’m a super nerdy homeschooled kid who happens to express herself best through writing… And usually I write because G-d is dealing with me, and social media is public accountability.

((Really I just enjoy it))

So I pray G-d messes you up as much as He is messing with me. Take the first steps. Take the hard steps. Yes “But, life will be easier if I can just get______” but your reward is in obedience.

There are people on the other side of that – and you’re cheating yourself and them if you skip to what is easy.

I wrote a letter. Have fun with your day.

:: In time, Child, healing is coming and a love so deep will appear.
In time, Child, your wounds won’t bleed and you’ll grow out of all of your fears.
In time, Child, though now it’s hard, the sun will shine and bring joy. For in this time, Child, you’re learning to cope and most of all, trust in the LORD” ::

Coffee Date

Posted on March 20, 2015 by lainamunoz

Please allow me to ramble sometimes.

Please allow me to share some of my honest conversations with the LORD.

Please allow me to be transparent so that we might learn something together.

For the most part I try to have a single thought process on what I’m writing about which, as a woman can be extra challenging. Sometimes though, I really just need to talk. So, if you will, pardon my sitting with you and my cup of coffee acting like you are drinking your own coffee… listening to me.

Thursday morning (yesterday) I woke up, did dishes, checked on laundry, made breakfast and sat down with G-d. All at once it hit me, “what the heck am I doing here? How on earth am I supposed to know how to live out being a Christ follower? Who do I think I am?” I actually for a brief 10 minutes had the revelation that I clearly have no idea what I’m doing. I wouldn’t say I was overwhelmed with doubt but I will say I had every question rolling through my head over what it really means to walk with Jesus… and how I felt was that I was doing an incredibly poor job at that. I felt like I was doing poorly because I all the sudden assumed it couldn’t be THAT simple. There is no way I was doing it right, I wasn’t reading my Bible correctly, or praying enough or right, I was talking too much to G-d and not listening, I was forgetting entirely to address the Holy Spirit in all of my prayers and therefore he maybe wasn’t listening to me. G-d, am I doing this right?

My flat-mates were around the house by this point when one of them brought to my attention a situation her family and friends are dealing with back home. We had absolutely no way of intervening seeing as we now live in a different country and even if we didn’t, there is seriously nothing we can do about it. So we are left with realizing, “hey, we should pray” so we did. G-d helped me remember the verse in Matthew that talks about seeking His kingdom FIRST. That should be our priority and first response in the daily… This is how we follow after Christ.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:33-34 (NIV)

I overcomplicate things and in turn I forget about grace. G-d has been teaching me about abundance lately. Not only am I given grace but also tomorrow, when the sun rises again out of His faithfulness I will have even more grace. Am I stewarding grace well?

“As you for, you were dead in your transgressions and sins…But because of His great love for us, G-d, who is rich in mercy made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – It is by grace you have been saved… For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of G-d – not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:1-9 (NIV)((ISH))

Thank you JESUS that it isn’t about what I can do. Because I CAN’T DO.

I was dead in my sin. I have no hope when I look in the way of what I’ve been through and what I’ve done. I can’t honestly even understand the gravity of the eternal gift I have been given. My heart literally can’t fathom it. But I know what it was like when I was farthest from G-d, I remember all too clearly the pain of being alone and not hearing G-d. I remember the bitterness that came with being mad at Him and feeling like HE had no idea what He was doing.

“But because of HIS GREAT LOVE for us, G-d who is rich in mercy made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved.”

Rich – having wealth or great possessions; abundantly supplied with resources, means, or funds; wealthy. This is our earthly definition of “rich”. According to Forbes list Bill Gates is the richest person alive right now, he is worth $76 Billion dollars (if he ever happens to read this www.gofundme.com/storytimewithlaina give it a read and consider helping a sista out with education) so… like I said, Gaterman is worth more money than I will likely ever see in my life combined and that’s about where our human understanding caps out… But my G-d, is able and does EXCEDINGLY and ABUNDANDLY more than we can ever ask or THINK. Guys, we don’t even understand how big his riches are; we can’t fathom the mercy He has shown us and renews everyday towards us.

To try and bring this back home I’ll say this, I can’t actually mess this up. My feelings are wacky right now but I’m also off of a normal schedule with sleep and breathing time and that’s alright – we knew this two week season was coming and we know that it will end. I don’t know if I’m doing this ‘right’ or not but I know that G-d is faithful even when I feel like I’m a crappy kid. I know that His word is true if I am taking the time to invest it into my heart or not. His love is large if I’m allowing myself to receive it or not. His mercy is new every morning even when I fell asleep on my journal the night before and only got one sentence written out. His grace is endless because it covers me, it covers you, it covers our todays and tomorrows and all of our pasts.

Jesus, bless this conversation, I don’t feel like it’s much but it is what was on my heart and that’s all that I can give. You know what’s up. You know me and whoever might read this, even knowing us you still chose to love us. Holy Spirit, do what only you can do; without You these are just words and a choppy shot at a blog. Thank you for Your word. G-d may it change me and please help it fix my heart.

Ephensetical and Ephesiastical Thoughts (Revisited)

Posted on March 18, 2015 by lainamunoz

Please enjoy this revisited post from 15 August 2012, I know I (re)learned some things about living with the LORD and realizing how BIG my savior is. He has excellent plans for us and He also has commands for us to live out. He is good.

“As a prisoner for the LORD, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:1-2 (NIV)

Well, dang… The Gospel just cuts straight to the point there. Paul urges us to LIVE. Not to wait around or get by – but, to take the ‘todays’ and live them out in a manner that is worthy of what we have been called to. We’ve all been given titles and responsibilities that we don’t deserve, as well as given the chance to do our best with them. While we are doing all of that we are told to be completely humble, not just a little bit but with all of who we are. We are told to be grounded and to be level minded. I think the second verse here is completely to remind us to fight human nature – being patient and bearing together in love? Really?

((Yeah, because we all know we are naturally awesome at that…))

**Again, this is grace – we use up what we should and then some and we are given another chance AND love and encouragement to try again.**

We’ve been given to give it. We have been show how and told to repeat it and G-d’s gifts are the only way we can accomplish this. His love is SO BIG.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of G-d. Now to Him ((all of it… all praise and honor and glory that is in His son, let it be given to Him)) who is ABLE to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:17b-21 (NIV)

Thats a meaty mess of intensity.

(Thur. 19 Mar 2015) – G-d has been reminding me of this constantly lately. That He is ABLE to do more than I can imagine or ever think. He has so much good in store for me and His good is beyond my greatest thoughts. I’m learning how to receive, I’m learning how to ask and expect things from Him. His plans are always better and I get to be apart. I don’t want to step on my own toes and talk about what is rattling in my brain for tomorrows post… But dang. G-d is just good. (end)

G-d, I want to be able to grasp the bigness of Your love.

His words are wiser,

His ways are better. LORD, teach us.

Scrabit: Confidence

Posted on March 12, 2015 by lainamunoz

G-d, thank you for my housemates; You have blessing, provision and healing in store for them. You have favor, a calling and a complete plan for their lives – May I always pray over them in faith, watch in expectation and encourage them in love.

Amen. Let it be.

Jesus, change us this week open our eyes and hearts to new moments with You. Help us to give more than we knew we had in us and learn what we didn’t think we needed to know. You are powerful, holy and refining and my excitement is through the roof with what we will look like after two weeks of intense serving and seeking. Lord, bring a beauty that comes from walking with You. Bring a G-d-radiance that shows others we have been marked; that we have sat in Your presence. I am so excited that I don’t know what to expect, but take my expectation and blow it out of the water. Do what You do. Turn up and change us. Help us love You more.

Bible Thoughts:

“because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 1:5-6 (NIV)

My source of confidence comes from my Father in heaven ((and HIS goodness and faithfulness)). He has plans and I get to be apart. This confidence comes from spending time with Him and in His word. THIS Confidence says that He has a plan and even in the seasons I feel forgotten I can hold onto the promise that HE WILL CARRY ON THE GOOD WORK IN ME UNTIL COMPLETION. This isn’t just for my ideas of where I want to be, but this is a journey He will take me on until the day of Christ Jesus. G-d will move me forward and complete good work(s) in me, in my roommates, my friends and family until He comes back.

Praise Him. What good things He can do.

More Jesus Time:

“This is the confidence we have in approaching G-d: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.” – 1 John 5:14-15 (NIV)

So alongside this confidence conversation…

Lord, when I bring my requests before You – You answer them. You answer me. Your word tells me so. You have perfect in Your plans and I want in. I want to be apart and I can have confidence in You that because of Your words – I will be.

Why pray if you aren’t going to believe that it will come to pass? And where does doubt come from anyway?

Old Age.

“If you have faith and do not doubt… you can say to this mountain, “Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” – Matthew 21:21-22 (NIV)

G-d, I’ve asked you to show up. I’ve asked you for hearts healed and mindsets changed and I believe You hear me. I know You see me and love me so now all I can do is praise You for what You will do and leave my expectations with You (Psalms 5:3). Teach me to speak Your word over my life and walk into the callings You have for me. Teach me how to love people with all of me. Guide my conversations and fill them with GRACE for I have been shown much. Lord, Create in me a mind that is productive and give me new revelations to give. I want to keep writing and keep commitments and watch You grow me and change me. I have a dream that LORD willing will come to pass but I need Your creativity. I NEED YOU.

((If you don’t show, I’m screwed.))

Why are my prayers important? *Because the Lord hears my prayers. Why do I pray for my housemates? *Because I get to live out the change with them. It’s a faith builder. I speak live and love into and over them and get to see a harvest of the Lords strength and ultimate plan come forth out of their lives. Some concluding thoughts: If you aren’t praying for your roommates, why the heck not? If you aren’t bringing some expectation to your days, why are you wasting your time living them? That sounds wicked boring… I’ve been there. If you aren’t approaching G-d with confidence then what happened where you stopped seeing Him as faithful? as just? as forgiving? as holy?

I never know who will actually read these or when they will read it or what season they will read it in. But I do pray every time that when and if you do come across this that it will be just what you need. Something to challenge you to expand your faith and draw you to the creators heart. But, these are only words.

G-d, let me be useful. Let me be open to learning what you need me to and even more than that, let me share what I know with those around me.

Scrabit: Posture

Posted on March 5, 2015 by lainamunoz

The fun thing about writers block is: deadlines. The only way to get unstuck while telling your story is to continue living.

I have been moved through various stances or postures over the last few years in my walk with Jesus and I’ve take them on as apart of my calling. I felt this was appropriate since it was G-d who was teaching them to me. The fall of 2013 was difficult for me, I was fearful to the brim and that began leaking into my relationships and life. Until one day G-d spoke to me, He began to push me ever so slightly in an invitation to move.

I found out quickly that the only way to walk past the fears that I had was literally to walk PAST them.

I was afraid of ministry, men and my calling. So He called me to jump. It was as if there was a ledge of opportunity in each area and all He wanted me to do was posture myself with my arms in the air in surrender; in a free fall straight into the things He had for me. I was challenged to jump to see if I could fly. I was curious if He would catch me. I signed up for our college worship team, I told a boy I liked him, I began again to sing. I literally felt like I was living my life in surrender, arms wide and high in the air and no way of getting back to where I was. I was to become more of who I was created to be:

a child of the King in full surrender. A kid who just wanted her Dad’s will.

Fast forward to moving back in with my parents. I was quite literally called ‘home’ by G-d. I looked for a place of my own and felt no peace about any of the beautiful apartments I was walking in – none of these were going to be my next place to grow. I had a calling on my heart to grow my relationship with my parents, which I thought was weird because I already had a relationship with them, but it was supposed to be more. G-d began taking me on this daily journey of being their daughter. He wanted me to learn how to lean on them and ask them for help. He wanted me to learn how to place myself sitting crisscross with my arms resting palms up on my legs.

The Lord was teaching me how to receive.

I had developed a lot of pride in my work growing up because I worked ALL THE TIME. I invested who I was and all of my days into what I was DOING. I had no room to allow my heart the ability to ASK. Receiving was awkward for me because I didn’t think I needed anything. If I needed something I would have just worked and got it myself but I stunted my growth in being a good daughter in this way. I didn’t know how to allow my parents the joy of being a parent… and I didn’t know how to be G-d’s kid.

“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:9-11 (NIV)

G-d needed me to learn how to be a child so that I could learn how to receive from HIM. It works both ways and I firmly feel He has been posturing me in this last season to receive.

And let me tell you, His goodness is great.

More recently; I’ll admit this has only been about two weeks – The Lord spoke to me about getting on my knees. It was during worship at Elevate, He whispered quietly and reminded me how holy and worthy He is and how much He deserves this honor. For lack of a better word I felt He demanded honor and who was I to not respect that? So we carried on with service while Cass Langton was speaking about what wears on our hearts and what burdens us. As she was speaking I began to realize that I too had a weight on me that I hadn’t noticed because I thought I was good. At the end of service she had us get on our knees and allow G-d to refresh us. There is something about getting on your knees that helps you really hear G-d. There is something honorable about seeking Him out while you position yourself to remember how holy He is. ((And dang, He is Holy.))

“Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord G-d Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come… Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him…” Revelation 4

I’m a writer; I’m ALSO a songwriter; I’m ALSO a people, so lyrics speak to me and get stuck in my head… Seryn puts this concept beautifully of what we find when we get on our knees:

On my knees I can see / where my heart needs to be

/ when this life gets to me / I’ll be found on my knees /

Lord, may I be found in your presence on my knees

Now, if I may propose one last position – this is a position of BOLDNESS. Boldness is a position because a stance is a movement. Boldness moves you forward, boldness sticks you out and boldness is a noticeable posture amongst a crowd of followers. We are the leaders of many in the next generation and the only way we will show the light of the King is by a mark of confidence that can only come from G-d. I want to position myself to always be bold, I want to live in the position that if G-d doesn’t turn up, then I’m done.

I want to live out faith even when I can’t understand, love even when I’m struggling to do it well, hope even when there isn’t a way I can see. I want to live out fearlessness because my victor is a King.

I want to live out who I KNOW I am being called to be. My stance is active because in a world where you have something to say you will always have something speak against you. We become a moving target when we are sitting deep in the message of Christ. We are the beginning of open season for the attacks the devil might have for us but greater is He that dwells inside of me than who the devil even thinks he is.

I’m still learning how to live out all of these positions but G-d has and is calling me to physically MOVE myself into these postures so that I might feel the full surrender, learn to accept all the wonderful things G-d wants to impart on me. He wants me to seek and find him sitting in respect for Him as HE refreshes me and He is calling me to do all of this boldly before the throne with a confidence…