The fun thing about writers block is: deadlines. The only way to get unstuck while telling your story is to continue living.
I have been moved through various stances or postures over the last few years in my walk with Jesus and I’ve take them on as apart of my calling. I felt this was appropriate since it was G-d who was teaching them to me. The fall of 2013 was difficult for me, I was fearful to the brim and that began leaking into my relationships and life. Until one day G-d spoke to me, He began to push me ever so slightly in an invitation to move.
I found out quickly that the only way to walk past the fears that I had was literally to walk PAST them.
I was afraid of ministry, men and my calling. So He called me to jump. It was as if there was a ledge of opportunity in each area and all He wanted me to do was posture myself with my arms in the air in surrender; in a free fall straight into the things He had for me. I was challenged to jump to see if I could fly. I was curious if He would catch me. I signed up for our college worship team, I told a boy I liked him, I began again to sing. I literally felt like I was living my life in surrender, arms wide and high in the air and no way of getting back to where I was. I was to become more of who I was created to be:
a child of the King in full surrender. A kid who just wanted her Dad’s will.
Fast forward to moving back in with my parents. I was quite literally called ‘home’ by G-d. I looked for a place of my own and felt no peace about any of the beautiful apartments I was walking in – none of these were going to be my next place to grow. I had a calling on my heart to grow my relationship with my parents, which I thought was weird because I already had a relationship with them, but it was supposed to be more. G-d began taking me on this daily journey of being their daughter. He wanted me to learn how to lean on them and ask them for help. He wanted me to learn how to place myself sitting crisscross with my arms resting palms up on my legs.
The Lord was teaching me how to receive.
I had developed a lot of pride in my work growing up because I worked ALL THE TIME. I invested who I was and all of my days into what I was DOING. I had no room to allow my heart the ability to ASK. Receiving was awkward for me because I didn’t think I needed anything. If I needed something I would have just worked and got it myself but I stunted my growth in being a good daughter in this way. I didn’t know how to allow my parents the joy of being a parent… and I didn’t know how to be G-d’s kid.
“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:9-11 (NIV)
G-d needed me to learn how to be a child so that I could learn how to receive from HIM. It works both ways and I firmly feel He has been posturing me in this last season to receive.
And let me tell you, His goodness is great.
More recently; I’ll admit this has only been about two weeks – The Lord spoke to me about getting on my knees. It was during worship at Elevate, He whispered quietly and reminded me how holy and worthy He is and how much He deserves this honor. For lack of a better word I felt He demanded honor and who was I to not respect that? So we carried on with service while Cass Langton was speaking about what wears on our hearts and what burdens us. As she was speaking I began to realize that I too had a weight on me that I hadn’t noticed because I thought I was good. At the end of service she had us get on our knees and allow G-d to refresh us. There is something about getting on your knees that helps you really hear G-d. There is something honorable about seeking Him out while you position yourself to remember how holy He is. ((And dang, He is Holy.))
“Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord G-d Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come… Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him…” Revelation 4
I’m a writer; I’m ALSO a songwriter; I’m ALSO a people, so lyrics speak to me and get stuck in my head… Seryn puts this concept beautifully of what we find when we get on our knees:
On my knees I can see / where my heart needs to be
/ when this life gets to me / I’ll be found on my knees /
Lord, may I be found in your presence on my knees
Now, if I may propose one last position – this is a position of BOLDNESS. Boldness is a position because a stance is a movement. Boldness moves you forward, boldness sticks you out and boldness is a noticeable posture amongst a crowd of followers. We are the leaders of many in the next generation and the only way we will show the light of the King is by a mark of confidence that can only come from G-d. I want to position myself to always be bold, I want to live in the position that if G-d doesn’t turn up, then I’m done.
I want to live out faith even when I can’t understand, love even when I’m struggling to do it well, hope even when there isn’t a way I can see. I want to live out fearlessness because my victor is a King.
I want to live out who I KNOW I am being called to be. My stance is active because in a world where you have something to say you will always have something speak against you. We become a moving target when we are sitting deep in the message of Christ. We are the beginning of open season for the attacks the devil might have for us but greater is He that dwells inside of me than who the devil even thinks he is.
I’m still learning how to live out all of these positions but G-d has and is calling me to physically MOVE myself into these postures so that I might feel the full surrender, learn to accept all the wonderful things G-d wants to impart on me. He wants me to seek and find him sitting in respect for Him as HE refreshes me and He is calling me to do all of this boldly before the throne with a confidence…