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Adventure Through They Journey

Posted on by lainamunoz

A little bit shorter of a post today, just processing through some thoughts I journaled out this last week… Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out what all of it means but so far I think it’s a good idea.

Enjoy!

I feel like you asked me if I’d journey with You. At first my thoughts were, ‘naturally, I’m saved – I’m doing this with You’. It’s funny how a word can bring back a full semester of thoughts on this subject. I sent the phrase, “Adventure with many, journey with few” to some close friends to gather thoughts on how they read that sentence. One of them nailed my thoughts on the head by saying ‘adventure SHOULD be done with anyone and everyone – random groups and impromptu trips, you can learn something from everyone, but JOURNEY – do the long haul and ups and downs with a few who you know how to support the “hard”. I thought for a second that you were inviting Yourself on my journey, which was surprising and honoring enough. But then I felt like you meant to be inviting me onto YOURS. To bear the grit and trials You’ve walked through. What an honor to serve with You

Lord, I’d love to journey with You

//oh, seasons//

“Adventure with many, journey with few”

There are loads of things I’ve felt impressed to think and write about lately and it’s been hard to sort out what to say when but this has weighed the heaviest on my heart.

I’ve had to learn over several seasons in my life how to journey with people. I have a few very close friends who I’d pick to do life with over a load of others and it isn’t because they’re even the most fun to be around. It’s because they push me, don’t let me whine and whinge, they don’t let me give up. (( they don’t let me go a Friday without posting ))

But standing in chapel this week (shameless “Go to chapel” plug) I felt like G-d brought this back up with me. He asked me to Journey with Him, which I don’t think I understand the weight of just yet. Honestly I don’t know if I ever will understand. We read scriptures telling us to follow him is to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow but what does that mean?

Journeying for me is becoming a non-optional. Not because its the easiest life ever but because I don’t actually know where else I’d go. I don’t know what else I’d do if it wasn’t what I’m doing now – loving Jesus, learning Jesus and telling others about how awesome He is. Sometimes the road sort of sucks and hurts and has a few spots where it feels like do or die. But at no point have I died yet so I suppose I’ll keep going.

 

Scrabit : Family

Posted on by lainamunoz

#ThinkBackThursday to not so long ago when I realized a lot about why my relationship with my family meant more to my healing than anything else I could have done by myself. I do miss them, they’re pretty amazing. Enjoy!

It always collapses when I’m alone                  – 2 March 2014

The house has broke one me, twice – both times almost game me a panic attack. I HATE being somewhere unfinished, it makes me uncomfortable and reminds me of me. Which is one of many reasons I had to come home. We’ve been in the process of remodeling for a while and I hate the process. I grew up hating clutter and having lots of things going at once. I threw away birthday cards and went through my closet a few times a month to see what I could get rid of. I love cleaning out the refrigerator because I can get rid of whats old. Its such a simple task. Throw it out. We have a bonus room in the house with storage and keepsakes… so, naturally this was the room to take the hit of the flood. A pipe busted in January in our house in this room, because if you’re going to do damage might as well hit the most you can. This room was PACKED. From front to back, side to side and about 4 feet deep of stuff. When the water came it damaged things. And when we pack things that tightly, and damage it – we need help.

               I love my family – I love my mom and my dad, my brothers and sister.

My ceiling collapsed and it was like G-d opened my eyes. I tried my hardest to not be a packrat and clutter up my things and my life, and yet, I do it in the worst way. Emotionally and spiritually I shove things so far in, side to side, front to back and four feet deep. And until it collapses, I think I’m alright. But it DID collapse and I was alone… I couldn’t do anything by myself. NOTHING. It was simply too much.
My parents got home and mom was overwhelmed, she tried moving things out of the room but when you pack things that deep you need help unpacking. We HAD to call disaster relief people – when we pack junk into our hearts that much its OK to call people to help. We cannot and were not meant to do this alone. I am what I didn’t mean to be, I pack with the intension of unpacking and getting to it eventually when realistically somewhere I know I wont get to it unless I have to; unless disaster hits and insecurities are brought up. Until I lose my best friend and have to reevaluate myself. Until I have a panic attack and am alone crying in my car.

                              I need help unpacking

It’s difficult to be in a home that gives a clear example of my heart. but I need to be here. My parents are apart of my healing. I have a good home life, honestly. I always have. I get to thank my parents for sacrificing all they have to give me every allowance I have had to do whatever I feel called to do. They’ve supported my decisions for the most part, they disagree with my haircuts and one of my tattoos but they let me travel to Ireland when I was 15 to do missions. They let me pick where I felt G-d wanted me when my core group at church split; they’ve allowed me to move back home while I figure out what I’m doing with college; they give and love and have patience that I cannot measure. But satan will do anything and everything from a young age to skew our perception of our families…

My dad and my relationship has never been “bad” ever, we don’t fight and there has never been abuse. He was military when I was young and I don’t honestly remember him being around much. He took me to a daddy/daughter tea at my old church every year and one year he braided my hair for it. I was impressed at the wise old age of 6 or so that he knew how to do that. I have never doubted that he loves me – I don’t remember him being very affectionate growing up. He might of been but again, this is what my perception was. I call my dad or go to him when I hit bottom. He was in Malaysia when I broke up with my first “adult” boyfriend and I emailed him to let him know – He was the first of my family to know my ex had cheated on me (mostly because I figured mom would cry), He’s who I ran to when the next boy I really liked broke my heart and I just wanted to cry. He is the one I call when something breaks on my car. He’s who I called when the house flooded… both times.

When big stuff breaks he’s who I call, I know he loves me and in disaster he will be there but I want him to be my daily-dad. He traveled a lot for work and thats not bad but because of my perception I’ve made him a non-immediate option. He can be there but I wont bother him with the day-to-day unless he asks. But the older I get the more I need him in my day-to-day – I (like many people) project how my relationship is with my dad onto the Father. I know my Jesus loves me… and when I’m under a disaster He will listen when I call and offer fatherly advice but I want more. I want Him to be my daily Father. I want to bring Him the little things and if thats hindered right now because of my relationship with my parents then, well, lets go. I’ve known it for YEARS just not good at being open. I’m not great at communication but I’m stuck in this process of healing and all signs point to my relationship with my parents. And I want them in my life, I want their advice, I want their help, I want them to know I still struggle with fear and that I don’t know what to do about boys. I want to be able to tell them when junk isn’t working. I want my parents to know that they are the next step in my healing but I’ve been afraid to say what I think because I DO love them, and I don’t want them to think they’ve done anything wrong.. There was a break down in my perception and all I know now is to call out how I feel. I also still hate crying.

I’m sick of giving satan this foothold, I NEED my parents. There are people waiting on my healing – there are people on the other side of my obedience and I’m done wasting time.

I’m sick of being afraid of nothing. I’m home to heal.

To the kids, there is a lot you need from your parents if you admit it or not… The relationship you have with them means something in the Kingdom. Stop being a brat and figure out what you can do to improve your relationship and learn from them.

To the parents, thank you for numerous prayers over our lives… I’m sorry for all the heartbreak we put you through. Please don’t give up on us. We are a stubborn generation and need y’all all the more.